HPV Support

[Improv]

Hello All,

I have noticed over the many months I have read posts, that women have it pretty east revealing hpv/gw to guys, who almost never reject them.

From personal experience, most women reject guys who tell them early on that they had hpv.

I understand if you have a strong personal friendship and then it develops to the point where you tell her, then it's okay, but I'm not in school now, I meet women by my own efforts - by talking to strangers in line, coffee shops, at a lounge, etc. These people don't know you.

I've talked to a lot of people and they seem to agree that women would be far more likely to reject a guy than a guy would a woman. I think guys would be opkay with a girl with hpv either casually or long term. I've seen women post here who said they would reject guys if guys told them, so they are so happy guys aren't rejecting them!

I'm just really bitter about this. It really upsets me. Its like it's cute when women are vulnerable but if you're guy you have to be confident all the time at the beginning, and revealing this makes you look and feel like a bumbling idiot. And even if you say it confidently, women are likely to reject you.

[oops.6]

I think that this is largely a matter of maturity and self esteem. When people think little of themselves they seem more likely to push other people down in order to try and make themselves feel better. They are uncomfortable with other peoples' vulnerability, because they are not comfortable being vulnerable themselves. Also, females unfortunately seem to have a tendency to be quite petty. And to me, rejecting someone over something so trite is incredibly petty. As terribly difficult as rejection can be, I think that this is weeding out the petty girls for you, Improv. Not to say that this makes it easier by any means but maybe in the long run it is saving you the trouble that these petty girls could cause in other areas if you hadn't had HPV to begin with.

Personally, if I found someone that I ACTUALLY wanted to be with, I would be pretty over the moon. This in itself is something that I find terribly difficult, I'm not willing to settle just for the sake of having a boyfriend. So if, after finding this elusive person, he were to come and tell me that he has some sort of skin condition that may spread to me, is treatable and my body will likely clear after a few months, there's no way I would let that stand between us. How could I?? People can argue that I might not feel that way if I didn't have HPV. There's no way of knowing for sure, but I feel pretty strongly about this.

Sorry for the novel here. It sucks, I'm sorry that you've had to face rejection. But this bitterness is not serving you, it is hindering you. There ARE people out there willing to accept and appreciate you for everything that you are.
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Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle - Plato

[Improv]

Hi Oops,

That's a really tough one. I was talking to a friend of mine last night and he insisted you can't tell a woman about hpw/gw. Everyone else - men and women who I've spoken to - agrees. I don't think it's that bad - I think you can present it in a way that might be acceptable to a woman even if she doesn;t know about it - but the problem as a man is that you're confidence is lowered at the moment you're talking about it. If you continue to be nervous about it after saying it, she will leave not because of the hpv, but because she wants a confident man and not someone who's nervous. That's the problem. We think it's cute when women are nervous, they're vulnerable and we want to protect them. Women don't want to protect us or "help" us feel better; at the beginning they want a confident man, that's what is attractive to most women.

Of course this is all different if a woman herself has hpv. But I know for a fact that the vast majority of women who have hpv don't tell men about it and don't feel any need to.

[Improv]

Ooops,

I also wanted to thank you for you're thoughtful reply

[oops.6]

Oh you're welcome! I have a little more to say on the matter (as usual - )

I think that both sides of the dilemma you've brought up have to do with confidence. I agree, I like a confident man that can look after himself. But we're all human, and I want someone that can show his vulnerable side to me as well. Not saying I'm particularly comfortable with it but I'll suck it up! If a woman can't deal with that, I would blame it on her own insecurities. Like she needs a man with enough confidence for both of them - ? Not sure if that's clear, I don't really know how to better express it. It takes a lot of courage to make yourself so vulnerable, as well!! So it's kind of a funny situation, very two-sided.

It seems like people often deal with each other on a pretty shallow level. They don't let each other get too close, and don't work through problems - they either ignore them or break up. HPV really forces us to deal with others on a deeper, more intimate level. I have always had real issues with opening up to other people, but now I have to. That is definitely the silver lining for me - I am being forced to find men that will accept me for me instead of 'settling' and never 'letting anyone in'. Sorry to ramble... just a little perspective that might help!
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Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle - Plato